You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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