Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
