Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I came so hard my ears popped.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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