Soap is not a condiment
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
