I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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