I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Randomize
