It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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