quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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