Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Randomize
