I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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