I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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