My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize