I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
