It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
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If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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