I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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