Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
