We're facebook friends in real life
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
