so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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