Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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