Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe