this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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