Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
