Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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