Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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