Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
