Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just gargled with NyQuil
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
