No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
