Umm I'm too high to move.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
