I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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