he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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