shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
