ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
