He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
