I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
