Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
