I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
