can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
