He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just cut my nipple shaving
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
