Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
