WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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