Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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