so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
