I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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