Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I need to align my fucking chakras
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
