You're earring is so big in my mouth
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
