fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
