She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
