I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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