I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
