she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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