My nipple is on Facebook.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
