Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
