I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
