Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Terrible idea I love it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
