I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
