You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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