Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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