grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
