So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
