I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
how can u be prego again
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
