hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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