It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
