Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
