Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
