I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
