My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
