The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
