i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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