I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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