does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
