I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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